As the rose petals slowly fell, so did every last tear I could no longer hold back…
It’s taken me two years to watch the videos and look at those pictures. Two years!
Mother nature felt our pain that day, as she too was not her beautiful sunny self.
For the most part of the day I think I was in denial as a way to survive, because nothing prepared me for this day.
I kept together for as long as I could, until we threw the rose petals in. My legs turned to jelly, my heart sank and I could no longer be strong. This was it! I would never get a hug from you again. I would no longer hear your laugh and see your beautiful smile. I would no longer have you wiping away my tears after a bad day or experience. I would never dance with you again. I would never have lunch with you again. It was final…You were no longer here.
Through all the pain and sorrow that we carried in our hearts, you were surrounded by love. Mom, beautiful and loving mom was strong and loving and I am so grateful for those who were there to comfort her while paying their respects to you too.
It’s been two years since we said our final goodbyes.
Mom is doing so well. She misses you so much, but she has been my pillar of strength. If not for her I don’t think I would have gotten through it all.
As you’ve seen I am finally living my dream. I finally started that blog we always discussed and it has opened so many wonderful doors for me. I have met some amazing people who I now call my friends. I’ve met some of your favourite stars in the entertainment industry too, those moments are a bit sad for me, because I wish you were meeting them too. I love what I am doing. I am learning, growing and trying to be the best that I can be. Slowly but surely I am finally gaining the courage to pursue all the things that I have been too afraid to go after, and I have some really special people helping me along the way.
Even though I am in a good place I am still struggling with the hurt and pain of losing you. I still ask the questions… Why did you have to go so soon? Why can’t you be here now? Why? Why? Why? This journey feels empty at times and bitter sweet, because I don’t get to share with you in person all the wonderful things that have been happening. I know you see it all from heaven and I know you are with me all the time, but it just isn’t the same.
Dad I love you and I miss you so much! Thank you for being the wonderful husband and father that you were. Thank you for taking care of us and for having a heart full of love. Thank you for always protecting us and for always working so hard to make sure that there was a roof over our heads and food on the table. I wish I could turn back the clock and just have you here, but I know that is not possible. I’ve been told that with time the pain gets easier to manage, and I guess in a way that is true. I’m just carrying all this love in my heart for you and I cannot give it to you. I cannot show you how much I love you. So instead I am showering mom with all that love, and sharing it with the beautiful people I have in my life. I have so much love in my heart to give, that it’s bursting at the seems it’s that full. All that love that I have for you, I want to share it with everyone in my life, without the fear that I will lose them too. I won’t let your love go to waste.
Don’t think of him as gone away his journey’s just begun, life holds so many facets this earth is only one. Just think of him as resting from the sorrows and the tears, in a place of warmth and comfort where there are no days and years. Think how he must be wishing that we could know today, how nothing but our sadness can really pass away. And think of him as living in the hearts of those he touched, for nothing loved is ever lost and he was loved so much. – E. Brenneman.
We carry you in our hearts every single day. I take comfort in knowing that wherever you are, I know that you are doing okay. With time I guess the healing will get better and I will always be grateful and proud to be your daughter. You lived a life full of love and purpose. I will do the same knowing that you are there by my side every step of the way.
I love you with all my heart!