Nothing could have prepared me for this Day.

//Nothing could have prepared me for this Day.

Remembrance Day is a memorial day observed  in the Commonwealth of Nations to remember the members of their armed forces, who have died in the line of duty. Remembrance Day (also known as Poppy Day) is observed on the 11th November in most countries to recall the end of hostilities of World War 1. Hostilities formally ended at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month 1918, in accordance with the armistice signed by representatives of Germany and the Entente between 5:12 and 5:20 that morning.

The 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in the year 2016 was the day we laid my father to rest.

The best way to describe my late father is simple: he gave the best hugs, and he had a big heart filled with love!

Whenever we went shopping or out for lunch and my dad saw someone down or having a bad day, he would go up to them and give them a compliment or crack a joke with them just to see them smile. No matter what that person’s age, gender, race or job description was, he simply couldn’t bear it seeing someone sad.

My father was obsessed with anything and everything involving locomotives and airplanes. We went on a couple of train trips as a family and during these times my father was in his element. He loved the history of World War 1 and 2, and wanted to learn as much as he could about airplanes. I have also lost count of how many times we watched his favourite movie Titanic.

Once upon a time my late father was a proud reservist of the South African Police Force. He wore the badge and uniform with pride.

My mother often tells me the story of when my father first held me. He was petrified that he might’ve dropped me because I was so small, but once he held me the connection was instant. Yes I was the Apple of my father’s eye and I loved him to the moon and back. I loved our family trips and even better the days we just relaxed at home and shared stories about our day. I miss his smile. I miss his hugs. I miss him period.

Our favourite story we always love to share is the story of how my father won my mother’s 💖. When he laid eyes on her he knew she was the love of his life. He courted my mother the old fashioned way by showering her with all his love, and buying her lots of flowers and gifts. In 1987 they were married, a year later I was born and the rest is history.

Their love conquered all and lasted a beautiful twenty nine and a half years before he passed away.

On the 4th November 2016 my father had a severe haemorrhage and fell into a coma. On the 6th November 2016 as I entered the hospital room to see him he was surrounded by doctors and nurses, his heart could no longer handle the strain and he left us and went to heaven.

When the doctor approached me and told me what had just happened behind those sheets, I collapsed into the chair behind me and my whole world just came crashing down around me. My father, my king, my mother’s soulmate, one half of my heart was now gone. I cried like I never have before and called my mother. We take comfort in knowing that he did not suffer at the time of his passing.

I have three reasons for sharing this personal story with you:

1. I want to keep my father’s memory alive and I want him to be remembered for the amazing person he was.

2. Nothing and no one can prepare you for the day you lose a loved one, and the grief you carry thereafter. I wouldn’t have made it through the past year without the support of my mother, family and my friends. It is much better to have a shoulder to cry on, than keep all the pain you are feeling bottled up inside. Sometimes talking to a total stranger who has experienced a similar loss is also a great help.

3. If you have or are going through something similar please know you are not alone. Cry when you need to cry and don’t bottle it up inside. Speak to a loved one, friend or professional when you feel the need too. Let go of any regrets or guilt you may carry. For example; hurtful things you may have said in arguments, not saying I love you enough or not visiting that person sooner whilst they were still alive. They know you loved them and all they feel for you now is love.

Ironically my father was laid to rest at the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month of 2016. As mentioned at the beginning of this post, this is also Remembrance Day. A great man laid to rest on a celebrated day in history.

For Dad, A loving husband and father. We love and miss you dearly!

By | 2017-11-06T14:04:49+00:00 November 6th, 2017|Personal Piece|10 Comments

10 Comments

  1. Melissa Javan November 6, 2017 at 14:48 - Reply

    Wow, thank you for sharing your dad’s memory. He sounds so amazing. Sorry about your loss.

    • Taryn Victor November 6, 2017 at 15:04 - Reply

      Thank you very much Melissa. 💖

  2. Ntuthuko Mkhulise November 6, 2017 at 15:32 - Reply

    The memories you shared with your father are what keep him alive in your heart. The passing of your loved one never simple thank you for sharing this remarkable story of a great man.

    • Taryn Victor November 6, 2017 at 16:01 - Reply

      Thank you for reading it my friend. I want to keep my father’s memory alive. He was a great man and I miss him so much!

  3. Saajidah November 6, 2017 at 15:32 - Reply

    Well written ! Proud of you my friend

    • Taryn Victor November 6, 2017 at 16:03 - Reply

      Thank you my sister! Thank you for being there with me through it all. I will always be grateful for your constant support. 💖

  4. Melanie November 6, 2017 at 15:34 - Reply

    Oh Taryn, if you can imagine this, I am reaching through the screen and giving you a HUGE hug right now. Wow! I could feel your emotion through your words – raw and honest and full of love. Your dad sounded like an amazing person – it sounds like he touched so many people’s lives. I think that’s all we can all hope for one day. Thanks for sharing your personal story. It takes a lot to put it out there, but once you do, it’s really therapeutic and I know it has a way of helping people in their time of grief or sadness. It’s a great source of comfort. I can relate to what you’re writing – my mom passed away suddenly in February. Grief is something I don’t’ wish on anyone… it’s a horrible dark hole that you’ve just got to pull yourself out of when you’re ready. Crying and talking definitely helped, but so did my faith in God. I think writing helps so much too – have you thought of dedicating a book to him maybe? Or writing a series of posts about your dad? You don’t even have to publish them all – I just know that also helped me (writing, journalling, etc.) Sending lots of love your way today xxx

    • Taryn Victor November 6, 2017 at 16:12 - Reply

      Melanie I received your virtual hug with open arms thank you. I never knew that I could feel such emptiness inside. As you said it’s a hole that can never be filled. Even though it has been a year, it still feels so fresh like it was yesterday. This post is close to my heart and writing it was definitely worth it. I am so sorry for your loss. 💖 At least we now have guardian angels watching over us. I think you read my mind. I have been considering writing something to dedicate to my father. This post reminded me of how much I love writing and blogging. I will send you an email soon with my thoughts on this. Thank you for reading, commenting and for your support. 🙏

  5. Spirited Mama November 6, 2017 at 18:56 - Reply

    Wow Taryn such a beautiful dedication to your Dad. He sounds like an amazing person…your post reminded me of my time with my Grandad who was more my father than anyone else. I miss him dearly even though he passed 20 years ago.
    On the other side I miss Mamma ALOT. The post evoked that raw emotion of experiencing grief as I’ve never experienced it before. Mamma passed August 2016. She was my person just like it sounds that your Dad was your person.
    Hugs

    • Taryn Victor November 6, 2017 at 19:49 - Reply

      Thank you so much for sharing your personal story with me. I am so sorry for your loss. Your Mamma and grandad sounded like amazing people and even though we miss them dearly, we forever keep them in our hearts. 💖

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